Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
