5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
