I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
