happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
