We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
