I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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