i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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