I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
