I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
