I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
