Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
