my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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