I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
