If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he thought i was a dude.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
