I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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