You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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