she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
