You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
