I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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