my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
