I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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