you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
