I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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