Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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