Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
