his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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