why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize