I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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