Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
third nipple confirmed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
