Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize