and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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