Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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