i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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