Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
