toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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