You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
