I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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