i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize