Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
