I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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