Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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