turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
