Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pants are for mortals
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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