and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
