At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
