i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize