It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
