meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
