Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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