I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
