I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
