I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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