good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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