I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
