i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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