The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
