this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
