please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Enjoy the penises
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
