My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fuck appropriateness.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize