So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize