Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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