Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize