When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
