She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
