Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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