So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
